I hate you for shutting me out
I love you and care about you
I hate when you don’t tell me what’s going on
I wish I could protect you from everything bad that could ever happen
But that’s not the way life works
I know you feel that way about me too
Because for more than 30 years it’s been reverse caretaker and controlling roles
Fucked up and all over not knowing what to do
Muddling along confused screwing up regularly half assed on our best days
Crossing boundaries that never existed in the first place
Invading each others personal space
Giving opinions never asked for anyway
Getting close and pushing away
Snapping and stretching more times than a bag of rubber bands
Living life on terms the only way we know
Interacting with others on relatively normal planes
But flying at a totally different altitude with each other
High on chaos and a fucked up breed of anger bred into us 20 years before she died
Coping the only ways we knew how
Surviving and not knowing how to stop with each other
Years after the trigger was no longer cocked to our heads
Instinctual reactions of a tiger to hide in the tall grass
No longer needed once the maintenance crew of loved ones comes and whacks the weeds away
We don’t hide for them
So why do we keep the camouflage with each other?
We need to stop the safari
Trim our claws
And make peace