Between the breaths there was a pause
A down heart beat where everything stopped
Not a sign of dying but a moment of choice
Automatic nervous system triggers another breath
But wait too long and it’s a gasp
Self preservation instinct
Our bodies are better at it than our minds
Minds running wild on self destruct and sabotage
Just as success builds momentum
It all comes crumbling down
Sitting in the rubble wondering where I went wrong
Hard rocks push against my feet and legs
Increasing pressure to pain
And I take a breath
I hold it
Daring to push myself as far as I can go
Physical fights mental fights self preservation
And my will crumbles and I cry
Taking a breath because ultimately I don’t want to die
But my heart is in pieces, disappointed, yearning
Wanting so much more for my life and myself
Taking a breath
Embracing the down beat, the pause
Letting it envelop me
Body filled with air
But I need my heart to care
Electromagnetic fields extending further with love
Affecting those around us by our presence
Do you choose to help or harm
I want to help
So badly I want to help
Believe I’m deserving of a better life helping others
I have so much locked inside
So much passion, so much caring, so much knowledge, experience, hope, dreams
I want others to realize their full potential
Because I know how much it hurts not living up to mine
I gasp, not realizing my breath had been slowly leaking from my body, and the tank was empty
I gasp, the weight of all the love I have to share getting too heavy to bear
I gasp, not wanting to die with all this still inside me
Between the breaths there was a pause
The down beat urging me that the time is now
People are hurting and need an outlet
They need to feel seen, and heard, and reminded that they matter
I gasp, and remember, that means me too

Written from a prompt in a creative writing group I facilitate. You can check it out and request to join us here: https://m.facebook.com/groups/213087289131266/?ref=share&mibextid=NSMWBT