Up until then I always believed that life was a certain way
That things were predestined, out of my control
Life was a series of unfortunate events that just happened to me
Hopeless, helpless, encased in fear
Wondering when I’d finally lose everything I held dear
I watched in peril afraid to get close to anyone
Or care about anything
Because deep inside I firmly believed
Everything important to me was taken away in the end
I wanted to leave, before it could all leave me
Circumvent the inevitable pain I knew was coming

But that actually kept me from living
Kept me from really savouring and enjoying any aspect of this life
The richness of experiencing what we are here to experience
Alluded me
I was actually inflicting more pain on myself
By trying to avoid pain
Than by leaning in and really enjoying each moment for what it was
Up until then I’d been living the length of my life
I hadn’t scratched the surface of the depth

At that moment I took a breath
And plunged into the deep end
For I was no longer afraid to drown in the beauty of life
I was more afraid to suffocate in the shallows
I started realizing life happens for me
To experience, to learn, to enjoy
I embraced the beauty of impermanence
Shifting my beliefs to accept that the only constant is change
We are meant to savour each moment that crosses our paths
To collect memories and make more moments that matter
So when the time with that person or experience is over
That we can hold it close in our hearts
And appreciate that it happened at all
A book of love moments in the library of our life
That we can revisit anytime we’d like
The power that we get to choose what moments we linger with
And let the rest go in gratitude

The past is no longer real
Unless we bring it with us
So I’m going to be very intentional about what I allow with me on this journey
Because while I may be so strong
I don’t need to carry the heavy bags any longer
I can use my strength to lift others up
Not drag unnecessary baggage with me into the new life I’m working hard to create
The new life that gives me hope and health and happiness
Where I am present and experience each moment
Making it truly matter, making more memories I want to bring with me
Writing them in the library of love in my life
To hold in my heart with me always
To create I life I love
A life that I want to live

This was a response to a daily prompt in the creative writing community i facilitate, using freefall/automatic writing. You can check it out and learn more here: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/19pcLByKeb/