I know you’re inside me

A shadow that came back

I try not to think of it

Embracing healthy, health, heal

But fear seeps in through the cracks

We’ve done this before

Lucky and you were gone

And I celebrated

Two years without you

I felt free

But I had more lessons

Now looking forward to the next 3 normal


I get the all clear, told the results were normal

But what does that mean

When it feels like the rest of me is falling apart

Normal blood pressure

Normal blood sugar

Normal size liver

Normal cells

Normal emotions

So much focus on goals of normal

It makes where I am feel that much worse

I’m not normal, I’m not okay

Just as I think I am

Something else pops up

Focusing on healthy, health, heal

They say you can heal your body with your mind

But what if your mind is part of what’s broken

Self preservation instinct overridden by self sabotage

Progress of 2 steps forward and 3 back isn’t the cha cha when it’s your health

Healthy health heal die

I’m not strong enough to override

Challenges pile up until I’m drowning

Please just leave my body

Please just let me be





Written feb/20