I’m 30.

I try to be a grown up big girl,

But even I break too.

A tear creeps out of my eye,

And like a crack in the dam,

It’s the first sign of weakness,

In the strong fortress holding back the floodgate.

There’s only so much I can take.

The pressure builds up behind the dam,

And another tear crawls its way through the crack.

Trying to be strong I forge on with more determination now.

Of course I can do this.

It’s just how I am.

What’s one more thing piled on?

Two more tears escape through the crack of the carefully constructed wall.

Then another.

And one more.

Scooping them with my hands I toss them back over the wall,

Denying they ever escaped.

This wasn’t part of the plan.

Who left that crack unattended anyway?

It wasn’t supposed to show!

No one was supposed to know.

Tired of bailing the escaping tears,

I sit at the base of the dam,

And throw my hands in the air in defeat.

I let the waters envelop me and take over.

As I surrender and succumb to the inevitable tears,

Because I just can’t take anymore of this,

And I never learned how to repair dams anyway,

I sit in weakness, head in my hands crying,

And I notice a rainbow overhead.

I remember only after the rain can we see the beauty of the promise of hope.

The sun shines brightest after the dark rain.

And I try with the little ounce of strength I have left in me to hang on,

To see another day and find my pot of gold,

And dare to hope.