My brain stops, it’s frozen
I allowed my focus to stray from ACTION
To overthinking and thinking and thoughts and this issue and what about that and can we fix this or prevent that and oh my gosh what if that happened

And then it stopped, it’s frozen
I’m staring at the wall
My breath is shallow, barely moving
I feel tears that will never fall, just below the surface
My eyes are fixed, my body motionless

Breathe, remember to breathe
I gasp, sucking in air as if I was drinking a super thick milkshake that would just upset my tummy anyway and isn’t really good for me but I’ve been doing a lot of things not really good for me and why can’t I just change and take my life and health more seriously

And then it stops, frozen again
This cycle is exhausting
I just want sleep

But I have so much to do
I can’t just sit here frozen, wasting time
Too long I’ve trained my brain for distraction
Losing focus, unhealthy coping
Judging myself so harshly
Tearing myself down
Just like I was trained, reinforced, all my life
So trusting people, trusting myself has now become questionable at best

But when does that stop and reset
When do I take back control of my own life
Instead of leaving it up to poor coping and decisions and events in the past
That are no longer real, that no longer need to be part of my present

New learning, new coping
Routines, healing, forgiveness
Not just of others, but the hardest one of all
Learning to love myself, take care of myself
To choose me
To choose my present, my future, my dreams
Because I’m worth taking action for
I deserve success and happiness
I deserve to love me