When I opened the window
The air came in fresh to greet me
And I resisted
I did not want to take a breath
And fill my lungs with this air
It was full of hope and peace
It would energize me and uplift me
So I sat contemplating what I had just done
Overthinking opening the window
Overthinking everything
Getting dizzy with my shallow breaths
Not letting myself fully appreciate
The gift this outside world was trying to give me
Rejecting the generosity nature so freely expresses
To all willing to
Just take that deep breath in
Coolness filled my lungs
Crisp fall almost winter day
The air rushes in to all the crevasses of my lungs
Oxygen quickly processed and sent out to my entire body
Leaving me feeling energized
Just as I thought

The outside had gotten inside and threatened all my resistance
The familiar comfort of melancholy
Was dissipating and fear was not being replaced with excitement
But when excitement is overanalyzed
It too is killed and squashed down, out of sight
Clinging to excitement with every thread of my being
I fearfully take another breath of that crisp cool air
Now rushing in the window
Swirling all around the room
Enveloping me in its possibilities
The breath in makes me choke
And I resist resistance
Before I stop and ponder the absurdity of the situation
I try to relax, focus on my breathing
Trusting, having faith in the excitement
Believing there are really great things coming
And I will be shown the healthy way to greet it
And find courage through the fear

written Nov 23, 2016

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